Some Lucky Guy

"Someday, some lucky guy is gonna find you," said one.
"You're going to make someone a fine wife," said another.
"I envy the man..."
"Some lucky buckaroo..."
"Oh, don't you worry, someone out there is looking for someone just like you."

And in chorus they all said silently, as if I couldn't hear: "Just not me."


"That's impossible!" his voice rose with surprise. "YOU don't have a BOYfriend? What's wrong with those guys?"

I knew he couldn't hear me so I shouted in his ear "What's wrong with YOU?" and rolled my eyes.

Can I puke now?

I want to puke. I just do. I want to get rid of the food and also the loneliness, the having not studied, the having not practiced, the having not exercised, the having not fallen in love. Just puke it all out. Blaech.

Episodes in my Mind: Fog

The fog lately has been endless and seems to have permeated my being. Apart from the occasional sunbreak my spirit is fogged in; all flights are grounded. I point my car down the freeway every day and every night curl up in the same place again, advances but mirage and setbacks like bricks dropped from some invisible freeway overpass; bricks all too real deliver blows to the head.

*******************
Like lead my head would crush the pillow but the feathers push back, stronger than sleep. The feathers shove unrest into my soul and all night long we battle: My soul and I against the feathery ghouls, my spirit trod upon by goblins, scavengers who pick away at hope and thrive in heavy, feathery fog.

*********************